My Reflections |
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| Date Added: March 11, 2008 05:55:35 PM | |
| Author: gyncimmonry | |
| Category: Society: Relationships | |
Hello my friends at theLoveLogic, I am sitting at work with little to do but I was reflecting back on my life as well as some of the personal things I have experienced through the years. My advice though the years has been based off of my experiences (including my mistakes), common sense and simple brain power. It is so easy to get lost in your own emotions. This causes common sense to take a few steps back and we start to feel hopeless...for a while. Not only is the fear of loss or abandonment scary enough, but the actual feelings of worthlessness come to us because it would be easier to feel worthless because you can justify it easier. The feelings would be more "real". It is easier to accept that which you CAN change...than that which you have no control. No matter what our beliefs, race, opinions, etc etc...we all hurt. We all breathe in and out, we all have our good days and bad days. The blood that flows thru my veins is just as real as yours. It is ok to hurt. It is ok to accept what is going on with you if you are hurting. The true key to this is ACCEPTING it...rather than denying it. I would deny the fact that my ex left me years ago. I would TRY to tell myself to move on and I would even try to convince myself...BUT...it wasn't until I accepted it that it made a difference in my life. I am no one special. I am a simple guy that gives advice on a forum for free because I care. I care because I learned so much from alot of you out there and I want to give back just as much as I learned. Some of my advice is good, some may be a bit hard to swallow, but I try to give the best advice I can. You choose what is best for you. I can think back to 2004 when I was going thru a hard breakup and I can still remember the feelings of desperation I had about trying to get my ex back....but I didn't know WHY..I wanted her back. It was if my security blanket had been taken away and I wanted it back...but I honestly couldn't tell you a VALID reason why. Why would I want someone back that HURT ME and constantly let me down? THAT DIDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE...and neither did wanting her back because she was supposed to be there. That is like saying,.."Hey, who the heck is going to constantly let me down and abuse me now?" HOW CRUDE AND WRONG IS THAT!??! I refused to let go nonetheless. I held strong. I had the idea in my head and I THOUGHT love in my heart that if I let her go....that I didn't love her. What did I do....I held on TIGHTER...I held on to the notion that NO ONE IS GOING TO TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME AND SHE LOVES ME...AND THIS WILL PASS...SHE WILL COME BACK BECAUSE THIS IS THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE. I could NOT have been more wrong. The above statement was my rational (what I thought was rational) way of thinking. When I look back on the above and reflect on that.. I changed it to be more suitable and logical... NO ONE IS GOING TO TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME AND SHE LOVES ME...AND THIS WILL PASS...SHE WILL COME BACK BECAUSE THIS IS THE WAY "I WANTED " IT TO BE. I learned that what I was doing emotionally was, simply put...I was playing tug of war BY MYSELF....what is the point? Visualize a rope with me holding onto it...with NO ONE on the other side to pull. HOW SILLY!! "I wanted".... <--- Look at these SIMPLE two words. "I wanted"....or even "We were supposed to be..." Who says? The facts are YOU DO. That is single tense..not plural. Until I was able to realize I was in control of my own path...no matter if she was there OR NOT and until I was OK with that was I able to gain the strength that I have now. I am a changed man. I no longer will think the way I did before. This however does NOT mean I will never hurt again..OF COURSE I might. It's almost a given (HA HA) Until I was able to let her go...was I able to get "ME" back. When I did, I felt relieved...and exhausted at the same time. There are many of us that use this forum for knowledge and for personal study. There are posters out there that have NOT GOTTEN OVER their ex's...BUT GONE THRU it. It is so easy sometimes giving advice when you are NOT heartbroken but personally, I try to REMEMBER how I felt when I was in the same or similar situation. I try to put my heart into my advice and I hope that comes thru for the most part. I want you all to remember something... though 2008 is a new year and a time for "starting over" or new year's resolutions.... It's an excuse.....It is a lame excuse to convince yourself you will do better "THIS YEAR". Why not start today? Why not start tomorrow? What does 2008 have to do with it? In reality..absolutely NOTHING. Those of you out there that are hurting or having a tough time, I wish you all the best. I want you guys to know that theLoveLogic never closes...there are ALWAYS people here for you no matter what time, no matter how hopeless your situation or how lost you feel...We are here for you. All you have to do is post... All you have to do is post and pour your heart out....let it out. Get ... |
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